This past Friday night I got to have some enjoyable conversations with Abby, Addi, and Mak. Inevitably, we always end up asking one another if there are any potential prospects on the radar. The answer each of us gives is almost always a negative. 

During this Friday night conversation I was asked about just what it is that guys are looking for. I then asked a simple question. “Do y’all cook or bake?” The answers were swift and definite no’s.

That is a problem. I believe a girl should know how to either bake or cook. Either or, just pick one and do it well. In my humble opinion, I do not feel like this is an unreasonable expectation. At that moment, I felt as if I could speak for all guys that have lived, all guys that are living, and any guy that will ever live, in saying that this is an extremely attractive characteristic. If a girl can both bake and cook, put a ring on her finger.

It should be noted that Addi took my advise to heart, and she made some pretty bomb blueberry muffins for Sunday School! I heard she already has a few dates lined up later this week, all because of those delicious blueberry muffins. Kaylie and Alex also made some pretty great breakfast food this morning!

The conversation continued about what other kinds of things guys are looking for.

The next morning I woke up and thought to myself, “Self, this is a great topic to write about.” And then I said back to myself, “It really does sound like a good idea, Tommy!”  And so here we are. My intentions are not to tell you what I am looking for, because I have already done that. You can read that info in a previous post, Wife Search 2014.

The information that follows is from some of my more valued friends. It should be noted that I asked guys that I deemed to be solid guys. All of this information comes from guys who have placed their faith in Jesus. Secular opinions and desires will vary.

I have divided the guys’ thoughts up into three categories: desires, deal breakers, and negotiables. I only included something if it was mentioned multiple times. Again, these are not necessarily my thoughts. They are those of my male peers.


  • Follower of Jesus. This was the most important and most repeated desire on the list. You need to love the church and you need to be serving in some area of the church. The hope is that you are not only growing in your faith, but also that you are helping others to know Jesus. It is also desirable that you challenge a guy in his walk.
  • Loves her family. If an explanation is needed, you are disqualified.
  • Attractive. This should go without saying. How you look is important to a guy. How you dress is also important to a guy.
  • Similar interests, hobbies, music, and other various likes. Basically just things that both of you can enjoy doing together.
  • Superb smile. This means you gotta have good teeth.
  • Ability to cook. I told y’all this was important! The ongoing “joke” is that you are to be about making sandwiches for your guy. I understand this expectation because sandwiches are always better when someone else makes them. Whatever, that is irrelevant. My guys want more than sandwiches. They want cooked food. Or baked goods.
  • Sense of humor. Be comfortable laughing, and do it often. If you can make the guy laugh, you are doing alright.
  • Gentleness, humility, kindness, compassion…basically the fruit of the Spirit.
  • Someone with goals and one who is future oriented. My guys do not wanna date someone just to date them. They are thinking ahead and you should be too.
  • Adventurous and not afraid to try new things or do something that could potentially be embarrassing. Simplified, you need to be a fun person.

Deal breakers

  • Not a follower of Jesus, or not growing in their faith. If you are just chilling and there are no signs of growth in your life, you can just keep chilling.
  • Smoking, drinking, and cursing. I just figure these three go together. Nearly every guy that I solicited information from mentioned these three things. These habits are nasty and unattractive.
  • Differences in political and social ideologies.
  • Lack of compassion and insensitivity. Some guys are sensitive, so do not be a jerk.
  • Lack of manners. Do not smack your food. I repeat, do not smack your food.
  • Lack of purity and a history of bad relationships. This could mean you have had too many relationships or just unhealthy ones. A couple of the guys surveyed also mentioned having too many close guy friends. You can have like one or two. So if you are reading this, you can only have one other close guy friend, because I assume I am already one of your allotted guy friends.
  • Clinginess and drama. Also, do not talk all of the time. As Lil’ Wayne told me at Bobo’s several years ago, “Be cool man, be cool.”
  • Annoying laughs and really high pitched voices. I realize this is one of those things that you cannot do much about. I need you to also realize that these deal breakers are not things guys are willing to just over look. They can no more change the fact that your voice is annoying to them than you can.
  • Do not be taller than the guy you like. He does not want you to be taller than him.
  • Sense of entitlement and ungratefulness.
  • Short hair. I never would have thought about this one, but when I asked about this particular deal breaker, none of the guys could tell me of a girl with short hair that they found to be attractive. I have been told that this undesirable hairstyle is called a “pixie cut.” You hair should not be shorter than a guy’s hair. Sorry Winona Ryder.


  • Athleticism. Most of the guys who mentioned athletic abilities said that it was a plus, but not a must.
  • Piercings. Get your ears pierced and stop. The more you have, the less interested my guys are going to be.

To end, I want to give a shoutout to all of the guys who contributed to the information found above. I also want to acknowledge Addi Hall’s cleverness. I texted her and Abby asking for help with a clever title and these were their suggestions:

  • An Inside Look on How to Win Tommy’s Heart
  • I Got the Deets
  • True Love’s First Cookie
  • Love at First Bite
  • We Fell in Love with a Hopeless Cake
  • The Mind of a Man
  • Food is the Way to Get the Bae
  • In Order to Get Mr. Merritt, You Can’t Just Bring Him a Carrot
  • The Mind of the Male Species
  • To Get the Dude, Make Him Food (the winner!)
  • The Way to Tommy’s Heart
  • The Way to Tommy’s Stomach
  • When You’re Ready, Come and Get it
  • I Loaf You
  • Pie Love You
  • Date Me!
  • The Clock is Ticking